So it starts out like a bad joke. A Texan, two guys from New York, and a kid from the Virgin Islands walk into a bar in New Orleans. Were gonna Tarantino it and fast forward a year later and say we all became roommates, this story is probably why. After a night out Uptown at Tuck’s ($3 pitcher night) the we are walking back to their dorms. Next thing we know we start hearing some random yelling coming from a window on the second story of the house we were walking past. Turns out the yelling was directed at us. After a slew of derogatory terms thrown our way we finally decided to stop and ask what the problem was since, afterall, we had no idea who this person was or what their issue was with us.
Upon stopping and looking up towards the window the we begin to notice bottles flying down at us. As fast as we could possibly avoid the onslaught of bottles (not very fast, did I metion $3 picthers?) one of the New Yorkers in the group happened to get slashed on his arm. Thoroughly pissed the we start running towards the house. Next thing we know an iron, cord and all, is thrown at us landing just inches from me. The Virgin Islander has had enough at this point and begins to light one of the trashbags outside of the house on fire. Once lit, he grabs the can the trashbag is in and starts racing towards the front door launching the flaming bag into the iron tosser’s house. Obviously pissed the iron tosser and his roommates run out of the house with a fire extinguisher and amongst the white fog begin swinging. After several hundred failed punches from both sides (drunk punching in a cloud of smoke is near impossible) the cops begin to show up. All parties take off running with the iron tossers/fire extinguishers retreating inside.
After failing to evade the cops we are finally detained. Fearing the New Orleans jail the largest member of the group falls to the group and begins rolling around yelling “I’m having and asthma attack! I’m having an asthma attack!”. Unimpressed the officer taps the large drunk with his boot and proclaims “I have asthma, you don’t, get up”. Defeated the young man rises to his feet. After explaining the absurd story, it actually becomes validated when the cops see the remains of what used to be an iron and a fire extinguisher lying on the street next to the house. With a sigh, the cops allow us to return home and sleep off what they claim is “one of the luckier nights you all will have in this city”.
Cliff notes
- Attacked by iron
- Light trash on fire
- Throw trash into house
- Attacked by fire extinguisher
- Discover its difficult to land a punch in extinguisher fumes
- Fake asthma attack
Wake up confused
